How To Write What I''m Looking For In A Man On Dating Site

Posted on 6/14/2022 admin

I’m looking for a man with the courage to love me beyond fancy first dates and the honeymoon phase of dating. Someone who chooses to be with me rather than be by himself or continue to explore his options. Someone who commits to me, even when it’s easier to go it alone. Someone who loves me for me.
They’ll help you write a dating profile that captures someone’s attention with the details that make you unique. BamaBoy, 34 I’m a born and raised Alabama boy, and like any good country boy I clean up good and know how to turn on the charm. I love spending the weekend outside exploring the area, BBQing with friends, and harassing my dog.
Example Online Dating First Emails. Giving advice on writing a better first message in online dating is good, but I think examples make it better. Let’s look at a few real profiles, although I am shortening them, that I’m pulling from a popular dating site. I’ll write a first email that I would send if I were interested in meeting the woman.

How important is it to write a good online dating first email? The answer to that may seem obvious, but just in case it isn’t let me say: writing a great first message in online dating is critical to success or failure in your dating life. As I discuss in my free online dating guide, successful online dating relies in part on making great first impressions. Whether the first impression is in the photos you select for your profile, how you describe yourself, or the first email you write, taking time to make the best first impression is important.

For this discussion email refers to your first message in online dating. This will include whatever method the service you are using allows you to write a message to another member. It is also worth noting that most often discuss this from the point of view of a man contacting a woman, since that was my experience, but my hope is that the thoughts here are helpful to anyone.

This discussion is primarily for sites such as Match.com where you write the online dating first message yourself (see more on how match.com works if you’re not familiar with what I’m referring to). This advice may still be helpful for sites such as eHarmony or Chemistry.com, however these services guide the communication and there is less “emailing” early on.

Writing the online dating first email is the area where I made the biggest mistakes for the longest period of time when I was dating online. I would write overly long and, in my head, witty emails that very rarely received responses. Once, I wrote no less than two pages based on a girl’s heading to her profile. The HEADING! I thought I was making conversation but all I was making was a girl scared. I really did mean well. I just didn’t know what I was doing.

Writing a Better First Email

My rule here is very simple: keep your first email very short. Give anything longer than three sentences a good, hard look before sending. There are several reasons I’m for short first emails.

Your profile is what you use to sell yourself, not your first email. While I feel that your profile should be a constant battle between brevity and substance, it should definitely hold enough for someone to make a decision about communicating with you. If it doesn’t, don’t try and fix it in your emails: go back to your profile and improve that first. The email should be the bait to get someone to view your profile.
If they don’t like your profile, long-winded emails are wasting your time.
You have to keep your weird factor low. Never forget that you are working against the bad impressions created by every weird person who has come before you (or even the good intentioned people who just come off odd like I used to!).
Short emails can come off as confident. Worded wrongly they can come off as cocky but even that is more acceptable than crazy/weird.

Just like most other samples of dating profiles you’re about to get, this immediately let’s her know you have a great sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously. That’s all you need to attract women online. Sample of dating profile 2: WANTED: intelligent babe for this mad scientist to experiment on. If you are looking for the same things here, please let me know! I will wait impatiently for your letter! As this is my first letter to you, I don’t really know what to write to you about, but to begin with, I am looking for somebody that is not afraid to show his feelings.

With online dating, the first message can make or break your chances of a successful first date. Based on my experience, I think the above are good guidelines to improve your odds of getting the conversation going.

Okay…So What Should I Include?

So what do you include in this short, introductory email? As I’ve said, in online dating a first message can have a huge affect, but what helps the most? Here’s my short 4-point list of easy to follow ideas:

First, try to include something in your first email to prove you read their profile. Many guys out there spam the same email to every girl they find attractive; most girls catch on to this and then look for it in other emails. Obviously, women can be initiating emails too, so this rule applies to them as well…but I’ve never heard of women who spam like this.
Second, if you find something in a profile that you have in common or there is something you like about the profile, mention that area in your email (if there are multiple things you really like, just mention one).
Finally, I’d recommend that you ask a question in your first email. That might seem obvious but I’ve been surprised at how many people don’t do this. Often this question can be about a common interest you mention but any question is better than none. If you can’t think of any questions, why not ask them out on a date? As I’ve discussed in my thoughts on the first date, better to ask too soon than waiting too long.
Never, ever, ever title the subject of your email as “Hi” or “Hello” or whatever. A large majority of emails sent are titled this way and if you contact a woman who received 15 email contacts since the last time she logged on, your email is going to get lost in the mix. Sure, she might review it and respond but why not try to stand out even before she opens your email?

Exaggerating Your Thoughts on Shared Interests

One optional approach to emailing that I recommend is something I learned worked well: if I had something in common with the profile I was reading, I would sometimes express more excitement about the similarity than truly existed. I wouldn’t flat-out lie but I would go out of my way to emphasize the shared interest.

For example, I enjoy an occasional day walking around a big city. If a woman mentioned this interest in her profile I wouldn’t say “I like going to big cities, too.” I would say “I love walking through the city too…although some days I think I must be the only one!”. Saying that I love walking through the city is a stretch but I would want to add some strength to my statement.

Why? Most emotion is lost in online communication (and anyone who has used a 🙂 in emails agrees with me). To avoid this, I would try to show my true level of interest by exaggerating it. Also, I felt that making someone feel “liked” early on would help them feel more comfortable and more likely to respond. Even though sometimes I felt like I was going over the top, I still saw a lot of success going with this type of emphasis.

Example Online Dating First Emails

Giving advice on writing a better first message in online dating is good, but I think examples make it better. Let’s look at a few real profiles, although I am shortening them, that I’m pulling from a popular dating site. I’ll write a first email that I would send if I were interested in meeting the woman. The first profile is what I would consider a “normal” email where contact is made but not much else. The next two are special cases where asking the girl out occurs in the first email.

In my experience with online dating, first messages where I asked the girl out were uncommon for me but I felt that in both the second and third first email example, it was the best option based off of the profile. So don’t see this as a suggestion that you should be asking women out more often than not in a first email; that’s not my point. These are just examples and ideas on writing a first email and you should go with what your comfortable with.

I’ll be changing some profile details to avoid intruding on someone’s life, but I will keep the general ideas expressed in these profiles the same.

Profile 1:

I am a XX year old looking for a nice guy to get to know and have a wonderful time together. I am a very outgoing person and enjoy all types of activities. My friends say I’m very outgoing but I think I’m shy when first meeting people. I work full-time as a real estate agent. I am very sociable and enjoy being around people. If you would like to get to know me, just send me a message.

This young lady devoted half of her profile to talking, in some fashion, about being social. This seems like one of the better points of focus when writing the email:

Response 1:

Subject: Just sending that message!

Hi – I’d like to get to know you so here’s your message! I love being sociable too and liked what I was seeing in your profile. Have you ever gone swing dancing?

My approach here is to be positive but brief. I make it clear I read her profile (even in my subject) and let her know that I’m interested in who she is. I don’t ask her out but the swing dancing reference is there to say “If you write back, I just might”. I chose swing dancing because I’ve done it a few times and by mentioning it I’m backing up the statement that I enjoy social activity. The goal here is to get her interest, have her look at my profile and if she likes what she sees, move forward.

Profile 2:

I am crazy, unique and creative. Everyday boring life turns into an adventure along with me! Born and raised in the [a city] looking for someone to curl up watch a movie with or football or just hang out. A little facial hair is a plus and someone with an awesome personality is key! I’m cute but of course not looking for a stalker so I choose to remain a mystery until you contact me! Hope to hear from you soon.

Now this is someone I would not likely contact but I’m trying to be fair by grabbing profiles at random, not just those I can write an email to easiest. She openly admits concern over stalkers (enough concern that she’s included no photo of herself) so not coming off as weird is very important. However, something about her profile makes me feel like she may not respond to many emails, perhaps due to her confidence in what she wants, so I’m more willing to take a risk. The important parts again are: don’t appear like a stalker and to be brief. In this case I’m going to play off her professed “likes” by attempting to be unique and creative when I write my email:

Reponse 2:

Subject: Mirror, Mirror

dna evitaerc…gab dnuop evif a ni nuf fo sdnuop net ekil dnuos uoY. ereht yeH
eeffoc fo puc a gninrut tuoba leef uoy dluow woH !ecap fo egnahc taerg a si euqinu
?keew siht retal erutnevda na otni

Hopefully right now you’re saying, “Ah, I see what you did there”. Would this work? Maybe yes, maybe no. Chances are it would be the most unique email she’ll get that day and I bet she’d really enjoy it. Even in the case where she decides it is horribly corny, she might appreciate the unique quality it had. I still keep the email short and include information that proves I’ve actually read her profile. I also ask her out in the first email because:

someone adventurous doesn’t want to email for long, they want to meet people
I’m asking before I’ve seen a picture which may improve my odds of not being stalker material.

Profile 3:

Hi! I am XX years old I love living life to its fullest. I travel every chance I can and love being around those I share things in common with.

This is an example of how sometimes profiles are too short and give you no clues to who the person is. With this type of profile, I always felt like simply asking them out on safe date in the first email is fine. There’s not too much to work with here aside from asking travel questions which, by looking at her profile, probably already happens in every email she receives. In this case, I’d just flat out ask her out. I know this looks like nothing but I’ve had success with these types of emails (my wife being the best example…although her profile was actually good!):

Response 3:

Hello! I liked your profile – would you be interested in having lunch at [someplace safe like a local diner/bookstore/coffee shop]?

For all these examples, I’ve intentionally chosen profiles that were very short to keep the examples to a reasonable size. Most profiles should have much more information for you to work with but you can apply the exact same ideas:

Keep your emails short and positive

Also, regardless what any book or person tells you (including this guy), you need to be making decisions for yourself. I spent too much time blindly follow good-intentioned advice and not thinking for myself early on when dating online. So better to listen to your gut and break any “rules” (such as keeping the email short) when you think it would work to your favor. For example, in the Profile 3, creating an invitation to have a drink that looked like a travel itinerary might work well if she had mentioned enjoying creativity or if her profile was very creative. Sometimes we can get so caught up in following “rules” that our online dating first messages don’t end up reflecting us very well and…

Everything else aside, just coming off normal and interested goes a long way.

How To Write What I'm Looking For In A Man On Dating Sites

[Read more: Read more first email examples from my working with a reader of this site]

What If I’m Still Struggling with My Online Dating First Emails?

I hope my advice here is helpful for you however I also realize success is also often easier said than done.

My advice in this article is based mostly on sites like Match.com where we find ourselves having to initiate contact all on our own. If you continue to struggle writing your first emails or struggle with getting responses with a service like this, trying a service like eHarmony might be helpful.

Why This Service?
eHarmony operates in a different way where they control much of the early communication for you. I have discussed the features of this service a lot on my site so I don’t want to cover all of that again here but I will point out that:

eHarmony is very friendly to those new to online dating as it helps guide you through the process.
The service makes the first contact easy for both men and women since it’s more of a process than a traditional first contact.
Because communication is controlled, making mistakes (like writing a 5 page first email!) are much harder or impossible.

Now it’s not all rainbows and butterflies: eHarmony does tend to aim for what they measure as quality over quantity, which at times can limit the opportunities you have on occasion. However, while I met my wife using Match.com I felt that it was eHarmony that really helped me become more comfortable with online dating.

If you read my online dating guide you’ll know that my first 6 months or so I had very little success. However, during this “bad” phase of my dating life eHarmony was the service where I was having some success (even if limited). You can learn more details on my thoughts on this service in my article on How eHarmony Works.

How To Write What I'm Looking For In A Man On Dating Site Men

No matter what service you choose, I hope my advice here will help you with your first messages. Online dating can be unforgiving and for many of us it is easy to make mistakes without even realizing it. I hope the steps included here are helpful for you in avoiding problems in this area!

Learn more in my free online dating ebook…

I thought I’d share these letters that a paid for dating site sends me. I really do love them all, they press good buttons and if there was an iota of truth in any of them they would probably have me falling head over heals for them. Maybe useful as templates or draft replies.

Hi, dear Yarmi!
I am a very sensitive person, and I hope that your intention is not to play games with me! I am a very romantic person! I like to walk in the moonlight, and dream of happiness! Morning walk on the beach of the river, when the silence … people can hear the cry of seagulls in the distance and a beautiful melody of waves … Waves so attracted to her, looking at them, you will forget about all your worries … When you breathe in the air of purity and innocence …. I am looking for my life partner with whom I will live in happiness, love, understanding, respect … Going through life hand in hand and shoulder to shoulder! In joy and in sorrow! because, as Stendhal said: “Love – a delightful flower, but it takes courage to step up to the edge of the precipice and rip it.”
I would really like to know more about you! And I hope that you will want to get to know me . If so, then I’ll look forward to your letter.
Hello dear Yarmi!
I beg you read this letter attentively as I have put my soul and my heart in it. I decided to write it to you as I hope there is something invisible yet between us but it may appear as a strong attraction and anxious feelings in the future. I’m always brave enough to do a first step as it can possibly change life of two people who search for something special and important in life.
I’m young, energetic, elegant and tactful … Someone may say I’m perfect while looking at me or my pictures. But it’s more important for me to know that a person say more about my inner being, about my soul, individual characteristics. I need to feel someone shares with me and don’t throw words into the air.
Life is so beautiful … but also it’s not eternal. As every lady I dream to find my true love. How it would be great to bestow a smile to my beloved one in the morning and make him feel cheerful and energetic to the end of day … How it would be great to feel his strong body caring me upstairs to our little cute bedroom. .. And how it would be nice to hear sweet “I love you honey” before we fall asleep … I would like to know if you would like to have those moments in your life?
I tend to self-improvement and spiritual growth. I’m fond of dances and sport. An active move is what makes my body stronger and my mood inspired! I’m curious, smart, witty and tender. Would you accept those things? I’m fond of dancing and it has become a part of my life! Would you dance with me?
I really want to know your attitudes to foreign ladies and your thoughts about possible relationship.
Have a pleasant day and catch a smile from a nice lady Tatiana!
Sincerely,
Tatiana

Dear Yarmi .
Yes, do that! Join me and lets discover if we are mates? If we are looking for same things on this site? Speaking of me, I’m looking for someone to share life with; lazy days, laughs, deep discussions, dreams, adventures, embraces, hand holding, heartfelt connection and more. Looking for an easygoing gent with a passion for life. If you are that guy?
To tell the true I like to get new knowledge’s and new information, so I want to start exploring and discovering on you! Also I’m a person who is tender, considerate, kind and clever. I love life and enjoy the happiness it gives to me and my friends said that I am a girl who is sensible to live but rational to act. When I am in the lowest point of my life, my friends helped me a lot. So I realized that life only has one chance and we should cherish our lives. I hope one day I can repay them. I hope my matrimony will be simple and happy and we will have the same life goal, and we are loyalty to each other. I enjoy the feeling of staying with my family.
I understand that I told many pleasant and positive things in my address, so you might wonder why such a lady on this web site? Is she really ready what she says? Is she really looking for a husband? I could answer you – Yes. I am ready to have all this and think age it is not important in relations. The most important is Love.
I am looking for my soul mate to share my life with him. I am romantic and considerate. I will devote myself to our love. I am sincerely willing to find my true love.
I hope to get letter from you.
Send you sweet kisses, Marina

How To Write What I'm Looking For In A Man On Dating Site Video

Hello Yarmi.
I am a feminine and adventurous woman looking for the man with whom I will be able to realize all my dreams and desires. I have so many different ideas, business plans, and hopes for the future family.
I have my own successful business. I want to find partner with whom I will be able to create strong and friendly family. Do you also want this? If yes, do not hesitate, but write me right now! As I told you I am ready to leave everything for my future family.
If you are looking for the same things here, please let me know!
I will wait impatiently for your letter!
Best regards.
Olga.

Hi Yarmi!
As this is my first letter to you, I don’t really know what to write to you about, but to begin with, I am looking for somebody that is not afraid to show his feelings. Somebody that likes and want to develop a promising relationship and eventually hatch into marriage. I want a best friend, comforter, confidant, lover, and partner. Most of all I would like him to be faithful, and truthful. I don’t appreciate betrayal and lies.
I am a compassionate, and caring person, I am devoted to my partner when I am in a relationship. I have always tried to make my partner happy when ever I can. I believe in communication, as in I think it is important that if you want to have a true relationship with a person then you should be able to have good communication. I believe honesty is the foundation to a stable relationship. I would like to learn your language, which means that I would like to learn more about who you are and where you come from.
I am a family woman, which means that I want to have a family with a man who also has family values.
I have a lot of interest in dancing! That is a good way to keep my body in a good form! I also like drawing. I enjoy cooking, and from what I hear I am a very good cook, I would like to learn about what foods you like. Well for my first letter I tried to give you a little idea of who I am, if you are interested in getting to know me more please write me back, I would like to hear from you again.
Think of me as I do the same and I wait with impatience to hear from you. Kisses!
Sincerely,
Marina.

Hi Yarmi
If you have a question why I am here and why I write you so I can answer you because I am lonely and because maybe you are my chance to change it.
I am loving and tender woman and I am alone , I want to find my soul mate with help of this agency and I hope it will help me with it .I see here is so many women and so many men , but I am sure somewhere is the only one man that will be my best and for whom I will be the best .
If you are interested in kind and sensitive woman with strong character and high family values so I can be this woman . I dream to build a family and to be caring and loving wife and mother.
Here in Odessa is so many interesting things to see and if one day you will come here to visit me I will show you all beautiful corners of my city and of my country .
I love to travel , I love to see new things and I want to do it with my future family .
I wish you all the best and hope to receive your answer
Bye
Juliya

hello Yarmi! ))
how are you today ?
i see your profile and i am really interesting about you and i hope for to talk with you of course if you would like too ))
i am very simple girl and i like simple stuff .. i am serious and honest and romantic character but i am able for to share everything with my partner even crazy stuff if i am in real love )))
i am open for the life and i want enjoy my life with real man for serious relationship .. i believe in my search here and i am sure in once i will got my man ..
i would like for to know you more and i hope you will replay me back ..
All the best for you!!!
Viccy

Dear Yarmi!
I love life. I am very optimistic and friendly girl and maybe that is why life for me is colored. I like to enjoy every day of the week, that makes my life interesting. I have a lot of passion in my soul and a lot of romance in my heart. I am a real woman who loves intrigue, but doesn’t play games. Love to travel, my dream is going to travel around the world, I dream to see the world, get to know the culture of other countries. I have many friends, I love to chat.
I think that if the relationship is really happy, strong, and it is based on true love, partners want to start a family then. I see no point in spending a lot of years of just having a good time together and being afraid of responsibility.
I want to have a family and in that case I’ll be sure that everything is going in the right direction.
That’s why I’m here! I am looking for someone who is serious about starting a family and a life filled with love, happiness and pleasure …
Sincerely, Irina.

Hello dear Yarmi!
How are you? I am nice and interesting woman. I have always wanted to create a happy family with my loving man. I want to find him, maybe this is you. I want to find the man who will become very special to me and who will want to share every moment with me. Tell me about you. I feel that you and I can be great together.
I am waiting for your answer.
Kisses Olga.